THE BELONGING YOU RISK

COVID asked us all a question we weren't ready to answer:

What do you actually believe?

Not what sounds good in a 12 Step meeting or at a dinner party.
Not what keeps the peace.
Not what makes you acceptable.

What is true for you?

For some, the boundary was about safety -
keeping themselves and others protected in the face of uncertainty.

That was their truth, and they found belonging among those who shared it.

For others, the boundary was about sovereignty -
trusting their inner guidance over external pressure.
That was their truth, and it cost them.

I know what it's like to stand in your truth and watch belonging slip through your fingers.
To honor what your body is telling you while the world demands compliance.
To choose yourself and feel the cold sting of exclusion.

We're taught that boundaries are dangerous.
That saying "no" means losing love.
That if we don't bend, we’ll break - alone.

So we contort ourselves.
We say yes when everything in us is screaming no.
We override our knowing to keep our place at the table.

And we call that belonging.

But here's what I learned:

If you have to abandon yourself to belong, you don't actually belong.
You're just performing acceptability while your soul suffocates.

Real belonging doesn't ask you to betray yourself.
It doesn't require you to override your truth or silence your knowing.
Real belonging happens when you belong to yourself first.

During COVID, I set boundaries that cost me relationships.
People I thought were "my people" walked away because I wouldn't do what they needed me to do.

And it hurt. So much.

But what I gained was something no external acceptance could ever give me:

I belonged to myself.

I trusted my inner guidance over the fear of being left out.
I chose my truth over their approval.

And from that solid ground -
that unshakeable belonging to self -

I was able to call in the people who actually wanted to know me.
Not the version of me that says yes to everything.

The real me.

The one with boundaries.

Because here's the paradox:

Boundaries don't push away true belonging.
They create space for it.

Every time you say no to what doesn't serve you, you make room for what does.
Every time you honor your truth, you send out a signal:

This is who I am. This is what I value. This is the ground I stand on.

And the right people - your actual people - will find you there.

Not because you performed your way into their good graces.

But because you were brave enough to be real.

The boundaries that feel like they'll cost you everything are actually the ones that save you.
From relationships built on compliance.
From communities that demand conformity.
From a life where you're included but never truly seen.

I'm not saying it's easy.
I'm saying it's necessary.
To make whatever is the right choice for YOU.

Because the belonging you risk losing when you set a boundary was never real belonging anyway.

It was conditional acceptance.

And you can't build a sovereign life on conditions.
You can only build it on truth.

So I'll ask you:

What boundary have you been too afraid to set?
And what are you really afraid of losing -
belonging, or the performance of it?

Because the woman underneath that fear?

She already knows the answer.

She's just waiting for you to trust her.