THE ALCHEMY OF SELF-FORGIVENESS

What if the villain you're punishing isn't real?

I was tangled in un-forgiveness so dense I literally couldn't breathe. Every relationship carried the weight of it. My work suffered. I couldn't even allow myself a home.

The label "villain" hung over me like a sentence,
and I projected it everywhere.

I created proof of my unworthiness in everything I touched.

My mind couldn't untangle this knot.
No amount of thinking, strategizing, or self-improvement could cut through it.
This required something else entirely.

Alchemy. The kind you can only bow to and request.

This was soul work.
Raw.
Humbling.
Fierce.

I had a choice:
forgive myself
or continue living in blame and suffering.

Would I ever treat another human the way I treated myself?

To anyone else, the answer would be obvious.
But I chose self-punishment.
Again and again and again.

I used to think "I did the best I could" was bullshit.
An excuse.
A way to let myself off the hook.
I felt there was no excusing me.

But here's what I know now:

self-punishment serves no one.
Not you.
Not the people you hurt.
Not the world.

We get to choose love.
For ourselves.
Even when it feels impossible.

That choice? That's the portal.